i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
