I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
