I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
