During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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