Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
