He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
