Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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