i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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