the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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