I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
