I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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