An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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