it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize