bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
