There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize