Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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