1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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