she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
