I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
