So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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