So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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