Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize