'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
