She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
