I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
there is glitter all over my balls
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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