Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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