Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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