wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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