Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
