My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
