Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize