Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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