Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if only i could text you this smell
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
