when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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