Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
