You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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