So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
