took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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