How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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