He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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