I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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