that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
