is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
