My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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