i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
