Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
