You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
