don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
