literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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