so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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