Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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