i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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