Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize