I'm really into asian looking animals
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize