Me too!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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