my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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