I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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