I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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