SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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