I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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