You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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