So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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