You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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