so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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