We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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