I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
