My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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