do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
