I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
